So what's the deal with oil spills?

As most of you know one of BP's oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico has sprung a leak and has been releasing thousands of barrels of oil each day into the water. This has been received unfavorably by most. In many ways it certainly is a disaster, but is it really all that bad? We've all heard the expression "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade," so why are we all so caught up on the oily aftertaste this is leaving in our collective mouths? Lets toss a little bit of sugar in there, make some oilade and look on the brighter side of this situation.

I think we all know that it takes a great deal of effort to pump oil up out of the ground, and doing it at sea is certainly much more difficult. It's not like you're going to be out in the woods shooting at some food and suddenly have geyser of bubbling crude (oil that is) shoot out of the ground. But in the Gulf the stuff is flowing like Natty Lite at a college party. It's everywhere. It's just shooting out of the ocean floor like it's no big deal. It seems to me like we're saving ourselves a lot of work and effort with this situation. Let's just go down to the ole beach with a couple of big ole buckets and grab ourselves some of that black gold, right out of the water. Gas prices got you down? Just grab a squeegee and a seagull and wipe the gas right off that sucker.

You know what? Forget the oil spill. Seagulls are the real disaster.
F'ing rats with wings, that's what they are. Always sqwaking and divebombing everyone. Who even likes seagulls? Are there seagull exterminators? Do those exist? I'd pay good money for somebody to keep our beaches clear of those flying atrocities. They trained them to sit on people's heads when they were filming "The Birds," did you know that? No way that could backfire, OH WAIT, they released them and then they chased people down and attacked their heads. Just keep messing with seagulls people. Keep on feeding them, and laughing with them and having a gay old time. When the seagulls turn on you, and you are running down the street with your eyes all pecked out and your head all covered in seagulls and I'm locked in my Seagull Shelter (which all of you should really consider building) don't come crying to me. Firstly because I warned you. Secondly because you just had your eyes pecked out and that shit is gross. I saw enough of that action in "Event Horizon." Last thing I need is your bloody sockets all over my nice, clean Seagull Shelter.

So, anyway. Oil Spill

Verdict?

Don't Worry About Such Things