Friday, January 29, 2016

10 Books That Aren't "The Great Gatsby"

F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby is a classic of American Literature. A cautionary look at the American Dream through the lens of The Jazz Age, The Great Gatsby remains a popular choice in school curriculums, and occupies a place of honor in the American Canon. Plus, there are totally naked women in the irises on the cover.

Surprisingly though, all books are not The Great Gatsby. It can be truly shocking the first time you pick up a copy of The Great Gatsby and it isn't. To help prepare for the shock, here are 10 books that it might not be.

10.  The Wind in The Willows

Although this book was also published in the early 20th century, you'll notice that it isn't actually The Great Gatsby. If you are reading The Great Gatsby, but one of the characters is a giant toad, you may have picked up The Wind In The Willows by mistake.

9. Das Kapital

Both Das Kapital and The Great Gastby have some things to say about the excesses of capitalism, but only one is considered a foundational text of Communism. If, at any point, Gatsby begins to extol the downfall of the bourgeoisie, check to make sure your copy of The Great Gatsby has not been switched for Das Kapital.

8. Everyone Poops

While this is certainly true, Fitzgerald made the (shocking at the time) decision not to include any lengthy descriptions of Jay Gatsby's bowel movements.

7. Beowulf

The similarities between Beowulf and The Great Gatsby are too numerous to recount here - suffice it to say that without his loyal band of Thanes, Gatsby would never have been able to make himself Shield-Warden of West Egg. It is important to not confuse the two stories though, as Beowulf managed to beat The Great Gatsby to print by a mere 12 centuries. If you struggle to tell the two stories apart, remember that Beowulf tears off Grendel's arm before following him to his lair.

6.  On The Origin of Species

On The Origin of Species was written by Charles Darwin following his 5 year voyage on the HMS Beagle, and serves as a seminal work for the scientific theory of evolution. While birds are mentioned from time to time in The Great Gatsby, it is unlikely that they are the Galapagos finches which served to inspire Darwin's theories. Maybe if Fitzgerald had spared, like, one fucking chapter describing their beaks we would know for sure. But he didn't, so we don't.

5. The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers

As you likely know, speculation that Nick Carraway was actually a wizard began soon after The Great Gatsby was published, and continues to this day. Even those who accept this theory admit there is little evidence that Nick was a member of White Council, or that he bore one of the rods of the Five Wizards. Because of this, The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers must, for the time being, be considered separate from Gatsby canon.

4. Twelve Years A Slave

Although much of Gatsby's past is left as a mystery to the reader, he almost certainly was not pressed into slavery in Louisiana at any point in his past. Some have pointed out that the name Solomon Northup, the author of the autobiographical Twelve Years A Slave, is in fact an anagram of The Great Gatsby, while others have pointed out that no it isn't.

3. True Tales from the Annals of Crime & Rascality

Many characters suspect that Gatsby's massive fortune was amassed through less-than-legal means; unfortunately True Tales from the Annals of Crime & Rascality neglects to mention Gatsby even once. Personally, I think that omission is the real crime here. Add that to your Annal and smoke it.  

2. How to Avoid Huge Ships

How to Avoid Huge Ships is perhaps the second best known book in the world, behind The Great Gatsby. Before its publication, thousands of people died each year after being hit by absolutely massive ships. Thankfully, that number has dropped to nearly zero now that the secret of "move out of the way of the giant object coming towards you" has been shared with the world. One important thing to note is although the long standing interpretation of The Great Gatsby holds that Gatsby dies after being shot in his pool, more recent scholarship indicates that he may actually have been hit by a huge ship while lounging in the water. 

1. The Mediocre Gatsby

In this unpublished prequel to The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald focuses on this one weekend when Gatsby got super drunk, and repeatedly asked passer-byes if they "have a henway". This continues for several hundred pages, until someone finally responds "What's a henway?" and Gatsby slurs "abou' fouror fife pounds" before passing out.