Part 10 - The Fiddle

O’Bryan’s Music Emporium was certainly impressive. Guitars, fiddles and mandolins lined the walls, and expensive drum kits and keyboards filled the floors. O’Brian and O’Brien were childhood friends of O’Bryan, and had recommended the place, a quaint little shop in a suburb of Atlanta.

Rory pulled a Gibson off the wall and began to strum a few notes of ‘Stairway to Heaven’ before receiving a dirty look from O’Bryan. Rory then turned his attention to me, still holding the expensive guitar.

“So no hard feelings, right” he said, picking the guitar quietly.

“None,” I muttered. In reality, I still felt more lost and angry than after the first time I saw Donny Darko.

Rory must have sensed my confusion. “It’s simple,” he said flatly, putting the guitar back up on the wall. “In order to not be bound by the constraints of humanity, I first had to be killed. Regrettably, I had to pretend to be a member of the Sweeney family to trick you into doing it. Otherwise, would you have?”

“Probably not.”

“Exactly. You would have never killed me willingly. I am, after all, The Benefactor, The Lord of the Earth, He Who Laid the Foundation of the Universe, He Who Vanquishes Evil But Also Vanquishes Good If He Wants To, He Who Can Slow Roast A Rotisserie Chicken In Under Four Minutes, He Who Is Really Good At Bowling Left Handed, He Who Recently Adopted A Stray Cat Named-“

“Okay,” I interrupted. “I get it.”

It was certainly true that Rory had become very powerful ever since being freed from the chest. On one occasion, he had assumed the form of the beast with one hundred arms and twenty mouths so that he could win a hot-dog eating contest handily.

“Why exactly was it necessary for you to become not of this world?” I enquired, watching as Rory picked up an expensive fiddle from the wall. Elsewhere, O’Brian, O’Brien and O’Bryan were arguing over the proper way to play ‘Philadelphia Freedom’ on keyboard.

“There is somewhere that I need to go. Somewhere mortals cannot go whilst they are still alive.” He strummed a few more notes on the fiddle. The music was strangely soothing.

Clearly attuned to the sound of Rory’s fiddle playing, O’Bryan walked over. “That’s one of our finest models,” he said, shrewdly trying to make a sale.

“It certainly is nice,” replied Rory, “but I’m going to need something a little nicer.”

He eyed O’Bryan. “Money is no object.”

O’Bryan then preceded to lead myself, Rory, and the others to the back of the store. A nondescript, wooden door was situated behind a large drum set, almost impossible to see from the front of the store. Behind the door was revealed not a room cluttered with instruments, or some kind of stock room, but simply an empty room save for one fiddle sitting on a pedestal in the center of the space. The instrument was made entirely of gold, and was truly a beautiful piece to behold.

Rory picked up the fiddle, examining it. It was covered in runes, but then again, so was pretty much every other object I’d been dealing with lately. Goddamn runes, I thought. Why wasn’t I taught those in kindergarten?

Rory then began to lead us in a masterful, foot-stomping rendition of ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’. I found myself square dancing with O’Brian/Brien/Bryan, the latter of which quickly proving himself to be an accomplished dancer. The sweet melodies pouring from the fiddle were truly ethereal, and I found myself wishing that the music would never stop. When it finally did, Rory took me aside.

“The devil has something that belongs to me, Abdul-Mannan,” he whispered. “I will use this golden fiddle to get it back.”

I chose my next words carefully. “Huh?”

“I will use my newfound immortality to go to the devil in Hell, and challenge him to see who can play the better version of ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’. If I am victorious, he will give me back what he took from me many years ago.”

“Well then,” I said, putting on a pair of sunglasses, “It looks like you’re gonna have to play the hell out of that fiddle.”

Part 9 - The Awakening

I stood as O'Brian's car pulled up to the Sweeney estate, carefully holding the chest at my side. O'Brian and another man cautiously exited the car, both heavily armed. O'Brian was wielding a huge double bladed axe called Fraathryngr, which was as tall as he was and had electric eels attached to it so that he could say things like "shocking, isn't it?" when he hit people with it. The other man had a whip in each hand. The right whip was made entirely of snake fangs, dripping with poisonous ichor, while the one in his left hand was made of glass shards and barbed wire. I instantly recognized them as the fabled pair of whips know as "Cymon" and "Gaarfonkle" which were forged at the dawn of time by the ancient order to which I belonged. How he had obtained them would likely remain a mystery, since I had left them in the possession of the leader of my order, an ancient and powerful figure known only as 'The Master.'

"Abdul-Mannan, this is O'Brien," said O'Brian. "You like our weapons?" He asked, noticing my stare. "We killed this old guy who called himself 'The Master' on the way here. Can you believe he was just carrying these around? These things are awesome!" He enthusiastically cut down a small sapling to demonstrate his excitement.

The news of The Master's death shook me, but there would be time for grief later. Now I had to fulfill the purpose for which I had been trained from birth. It was time to wake He Who Ruled Before And Will Reign After. The Chest was finally to be opened.

"It is good you are here," I said to O'Brian. "It is time for the chest to be opened. I trust you have brought the pendant?"

O'Brian nodded and pulled the black stone from his pocket, its surface glimmering in the moonlight.

"Good. Guard the chest, I must get the materials from my vehicle to break the seal."

O'Brian and O'Brien exchanged a quizzical glance, but assumed their guard duties faithfully. In a matter of minutes I returned to them carrying the ancient book that would free He Who Was Named In A Thousand Tongues And Speaks With The Voice Of One Million. The Benefactor's names were many indeed.

O'Brian and O'Brien looked questioningly at the book as I opened it.

"This," I explained "Is the ancient text of our order. The instructions which will free The God Who Slumbers. It is for obvious reasons called 'The Book of Babyfaces,' mainly due to the materials used in its production."

O'Brien vomited as I said this, and O'Brian turned sharply towards me and sputtered, "Bu- but you don't mean... You're saying that that book is made out of-"

"Yes" I responded, not waiting for him to finish. "The book is made out of 100% pure recycled cardboard." I could tell they had more questions, but time was of the essence. "Steel yourselves," I instructed the men, "I will now begin chant that shall ensure the emancipation of He Who Was The Abomination of The Desolation of The Founders."

I then opened The Book of Babyfaces and began to read the ancient chant which was passed down since the founding of the world. At the top of my lungs I bellowed, "HIGH ON A HILL WAS A LONELY GOATHERD"

From inside the chest came the response. "LAY-EE ODL-LAY-EE ODL-LAY HEE-HOO"

O'Brian and O'Brien clasped their hands to their ears, for the piercing sound of that terrible noise seemed to twist men's minds and shred their sanity. For a moment I feared to go on, afraid of what the next chant would bring. O'Brian screamed for me to stop, but I was honed all my life for this one task; I would not fail in it. I clenched my fists and continued, "LOUD WAS THE VOICE OF THE LONELY GOATHERD"

Again a response rang out from the chest "LAY-EE ODL-LAY-EE ODL-OO" The ground itself bucked and twisted in response.

I could feel blood pouring from my ears and eyes, but still I continued, "FOLKS IN A TOWN THAT WAS QUITE REMOTE HEARD"

"LAY-EE ODL-LAY-EE ODL-LAY HEE-HOO" The Sweeney mansion buckled and crumbled. The earth around us erupted into great pillars of flame.

My eyesight was gone but the next words were burned into my brain. "LUSTY AND CLEAR FROM THE GOATHERD'S THROAT HEARD"

"LAY-EE ODL-LAY-EE ODL-OO" The final response rang out and my vision returned. The ground round the chest was blackened and a great light flashed out as the lock was sundered. The chest swung open and a beam of light shot straight into the sky. The light twisted and folded back onto itself, forming a circle in midair. It's surface undulated and began expanding, pusing itself into three dimensions. Now a perfect sphere hovered above the chest, shining in the growing darkness. Again the surface shifted and the sphere grew into something more, something the human mind was not meant to understand, like magnets or Bieber Fever. From inside the new shape something began to grow. I watched as a tiny dark spot pushed itself into our dimension, growing into something terrible to behold. The light grew brighter and brighter as the darkness within it grew. Before the final flash blinded me I saw the thing inside take shape. It was a beast not of this world. It stood on three legs and had a hundred arms. Its four heads were ringed in flame and each bore seven eyes and five mouths. It looked like the kind of thing that eats dreams and shits nightmares. It looked like it would cut across a four lane highway with no turn signal. It looked like it preferred dark chocolate to milk chocolate, like it liked 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' more than the clearly superior 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." It looked evil as hell is what I'm trying to say. And as it looked upon us it laughed, and in that laugh I heard the beast's purpose. I heard the end of mankind.

There was a final flash, and when I looked back the beast was gone, but what had taken its place was even more unbelievable. Standing there in the smoldering pit was Rory. He looked at me and laughed. "Such a faithful servant," he said. "I couldn't have done any better myself. No, really. I couldn't have. How was I supposed to free myself from the chest when I was already out of it? Can't have two Destroyers running around, that would just be silly. No, you killed me and opened the chest so that I could be free of my ties to this world. Now I shall take what is rightfully mine."